Jobs Web Development
snoopy  

How to Become a Top Web Developer in 2025 Knowing Only HTML, CSS and jQuery

(A Masterclass in Professional Time Travel and Selective Ignorance)

Ah yes, 2025. The year AI writes your code, your fridge deploys Kubernetes clusters, and Junior Developers casually mention “I just optimized our React Server Components pipeline with Astro edge functions and AI-powered bundle splitting.”
And here you are—rocking HTML, CSS, and jQuery like it’s 2010 and Internet Explorer 8 still needs your love.

But hey, why learn new things when you can embrace strategic nostalgia?

Grab your coffee (preferably in a cup with <marquee> on it), because I’m about to teach you how to rise to the top of modern web development using three sacred technologies and zero shame.

Step 1: Call Yourself a “Frontend Minimalist Engineer”

React? Too heavy. TypeScript? Too corporate. Tailwind? You prefer raw CSS… for authenticity.

Just update your LinkedIn:

“Senior Full Stack Vanilla Web Enhancement Specialist (Legacy-aware, pre-framework era)”

Everyone will assume you know something they don’t. Spoiler: you don’t.

Step 2: Master the Lost Art of jQuery Sorcery

2025 devs manipulate the DOM using signals, streams and reactivity models. You? You go straight for the jugular:

$("#element").hide();

No hooks. No reducers. No suspense boundaries.
Just raw, unfiltered power.

When questioned, respond with:

“Frameworks come and go, but $ is eternal.”

Bonus points if you refer to jQuery as “a lightweight abstraction over native browser inconsistencies.”

Step 3: Position Yourself as a “Legacy Systems Consultant”

When clients mention “modern stack,” pivot immediately:

“Actually, most companies struggle with legacy frontend debt. That’s where my expertise comes in.”

Translation: you once migrated a page from <font> tags to CSS.

Charge €150/h. Say “long-term maintainability” a lot.

Step 4: Never Say You Don’t Know Something

Instead of admitting you’ve never used Astro, Svelte, or Bun, respond confidently:

“We evaluated it. Too unstable for enterprise-grade delivery lifecycles.”

No one will question you. They’ll be too afraid.

Step 5: Add “AI-assisted” to Everything You Do

Even if your AI is just ChatGPT writing jQuery for you.

“Built responsive web experience (AI-accelerated) using next-gen semantic CSS.”

What did you actually do? You changed #container { width: 100% }. Doesn’t matter.

Step 6: Make Your Portfolio a Tribute to Simpler Times

  • All code in one file? “For performance reasons.”
  • Inline CSS? “We minimize HTTP requests.”
  • <table> layouts? “Because accessibility. You wouldn’t get it.”

Step 7: Teach It

The ultimate power move: start a course called “Modern Web Development Using Pure Fundamentals” priced at €799.

Module 1: How to center a div without crying
Module 2: The jQuery Fade Revolution
Module 3: Deploying like it’s 1999 (FTP & vibes)

Students? Oh yeah. Thousands. Mostly managers.

Bonus Survival Phrases for Meetings

  • “Have we considered the browser repaint implications?”
  • “Frameworks are cool, but what’s our long-term caching story?”
  • “Does this align with our core UI philosophy?”

No one knows what it means. That’s the beauty.

Conclusion

You don’t need React Server Components, WASM, Vite, Tailwind, or TypeScript.

You need confidence, a strong portfolio of divs, and the unwavering belief that jQuery walked so React could overcomplicate.

In 2025, being a top web developer is not about staying ahead—it’s about convincing everyone else that they’re already behind.

Now go forth and .appendTo('body') your destiny.

If you enjoyed this article, please smash that Like button (with jQuery of course):

$("#like").click(function(){
  alert("You are now a Top Developer.");
});

Welcome to the elite.

snoopy